Match???? eeeekkkkk!!

• Y
• Y
• Y OK so some of this stuff is recycled content from both this blog and Classmates site- also please know that I joined Match as a goof and I'm not paying the ridiculous monthly fee.......although I understand a lot of people have that kind of money to throw at the problem of seeking lifetime relations with a man- men who generally, after getting to "know" them revert back to being themselves, by fouling the bedroom air, picking their ear wax, increasing your budget for air- deodorizing and cleaning products and causing electronic havoc by visiting porn sites without the proper virus software protection

My detailseditY

Relationship:

Divorced

Have kids:

Yes, and they live away from home (2)

Want kids:

No, but it's OK if my partner has kids

Ethnicity:

Other

Body type:

Athletic and toned

Height:

6′ 0″

Faith:

Spiritual but not religious

Smoke:

No Way

Drink:

Moderately

In my own wordseditY

 I've trained my monkey to change the TV stations thereby saving on the need to replace the remote batteries, with this savings I buy my monkey alcohol and smokes which seems to keep him focused when we watch MST2000 or Buckaroo Banzai movie reruns and keeps him from starting fights with the ducks
BTW the ducks in the bathtub are not mine and have given me multiple assurances that they will be flying south next winter

When I was about eight I desperately wanted to be Tom Selleck from Magnum PI. I painted my Hero banana seat beach cruiser bright red and constructed a mustache by clipping a large amount of hair from the neighbor's cat and gluing it to my upper lip. This is how I discovered my allergy to cat hair." I also wanted to be frozen and thawed out in the 25th century due to Wilma Deering's jumpsuit but despite emptying the refrigerator and sitting in it for over an hour, the only result was mild hypothermia and a belting.

Like a marmot getting braces to fix an over-bite, sometimes the solutions to life are simple.
A prodigious dude once pointed out the greatness of the people of Fort Wayne, Indiana for electing Harry Baals as their Mayor and suggested that they collectively be given the jejune comedic star award given out in secret after the annual "elephant walk" performed before the ritual rhubarb pie eating contest by the fraternal Delta PieR-pt.-3.14 students at Texas A&M.

When you have to remind people it is not ok to blow dry their otters, or that hooking up a dachshund to a rickshaw might make you stand out in an Asian crowd, but that economically not a valid endeavor, then you'll know that your decision to join an online dating site isn't as otiose, or infelicitous of an action as one might have first thought. 

My interestseditY

Book club, Music and concerts, Exploring new areas, Nightclubs/Dancing, Playing sports, Watching sports, Wine tasting

 ?edit

 
 
 
 
 

Sports & exerciseeditY

I exercise 3-4 times per week

Aerobics, Baseball, Basketball, Cycling, Football, Running, Weights / Machines, Hockey

PetseditY

I like cats, dogs, and other.

animal/human interaction question:
who first thought, after seeing an egg drop out of a chickens tuckus, it'd be a good thing to eat?

Political viewseditY

Some other viewpoint

SigneditY

Aquarius

Favorite hot spotseditY

 writing short stories on my google blog " shmendric eating rhubarb pie" under my pen name Eddie Haskil  ok so its a cyber hot spot? what do you want? wicker? my last story was titled my private Idaho go see it and give me a thumbs up,  if you like it 

CollegeeditY

Favorite thingseditY

 I just wanted to say it is a reoccurring activity of mine to dress up as a plant and go to the park to scare people on jogs/walks. there is nothing wrong with me its just how I deal with stress and feel better about my existence. 

For funeditY

 writing acrostic poetry, baking elderberry pies and sneaking out at night and cutting my neighbors shrubbery in priapic shapes 

Last readeditY

 Less Than Zero 

Appearance

About...

Me…

My Date…

Height:   Y

6′ 0″

3′ 0″ to 5′ 9″

Body type:   Y

Athletic and toned

Slender, Athletic and toned

Eyes:   Y

Hazel

No Preference

Hair:   Y

Dark brown

No Preference

Lifestyle

About...

Me…

My Date…

Smoke:   Y

No Way

No Way, Occasionally, Yes, but trying to quit

Drink:   Y

Moderately

Social Drinker, Moderately

Occupation:   Y

No answer

No Preference

 Gerbil milker 

Income:   Y

I use the barter system

$35,001 to $50,000, $50,001 to $75,000, $75,001 to $100,000,$100,001 to $150,000,$150,001+ a million?

Relationship:   Y

Divorced

No Preference

Have kids:   Y

Yes, and they live away from home (2)

No Preference

Want kids:   Y

No, but it's OK if my partner has kids

No Preference

Background/Values

About...

Me…

My Date…

Ethnicity:   Y

Other

Wiling and with a vagina

 My mother had an alien impregnation, first by submitting to a normal PPA that the alien creatures known to come from places far past Uranus are especially fond of performing, and after squealing in pleasure upon the alien bulbus insertion, I was born 

Faith:   Y

Spiritual but not religious

 my faith revolves around knowing that humanity, when faced with an important challenge,  can come up with very creative solutions- for instant, someone figured out that your lower intestinal track has enough heat to hard boil an egg. 

Languages:   Y

English

English

Education:   Y

Associates degree

No Preference

my private Idaho

Usually, I'd have to say that taking trips to our office in Idaho is not something I generally do without being forced into it, if it weren't for the fact that I gather travel points, it seems to be an otiose endeavor.
So I just got back from a work-forced trip to Boise and I was schooled about a marmot called the Idaho Rock Chuck, apparently the folks up here put the "Idaho" in front of the rock chucks name because of outsiders propensity to think they were either joking, as in the "snipe hunting routines" or confusing the name Rock Chuck with famous rock stars, of course what comes to mind for me is Chuck Berry. There are a lot of Mormons in Boise/Idaho and I never figured this religion to be famous for it's sense of humor so I believed them when they told me about this mythical marmot, and although I laughed once watching the Donny & Marie Osmond show, it was only because of the images I had in my head of me,using a comb with wax paper while humming  the tune  "the Camp town ladies"
on Marie Osmond's cootch.

This introduction to Idaho nature also turned my thoughts towards all the wonders of nature:
From the famed South American Tufted Tit Tyrant and it's penchant for territorial fights to the term Hedgehog in reference to Ron Jeremy.

After the first day of getting schooled by my Mormon work associates, the next day I met a transplanted co-worker  he was not Mormon, but an Irish-Catholic from Chicago, so the trip did get me into comedic areas that covered the animal world along with other sophomoric topics....just the sort of thing to ameliorate my desultory yet piquant jejune comedic mind.

A little background to this new encounter:
This fellow was one of those guys that seemly had everything going for him, except money.
I didn't ask but he was probably still in his 20's with the gift of humor and gab to go along with the looks that would make most young women bubble in their panties and squeal at the thought of his - protuberating crotch rocket thrusting into their clam-chasm
However self aware of these assets, he didn't seem vain or arrogant about them, rather the opposite.
I, being a slightly better than average looking fellow for my ancient age, could see the benefits of him being a good wingman in the sense maybe I'd get his leftovers or the mom of the girl he wanted to bang- too bad he lives in Boise. we'd make a great team- think a sophisticated and more physically attractive Beavis and Butthead duo.

So the events of the day revolved around some work, and of course ending in drinks and great stupid conversation.
This resulted in telling stories ranging from my dog Wayne and his friendly Golden Lab like behavior, to which I described as the kind of dog that'd lick a strangers ballsack even if it wasn't covered in peanut butter, to wondering outloud why a picture of Anderson Copper appears when you google "gerbil milker"-  we also included those crazy names of sports figures, like, I mean, Rusty Kuntz the outfielder for the 1980's Tigers probably would have been asked to change his name by today's leftist feminist movement, and speaking of politics, what about Harry Baals? you'd have to give the people of Fort Wayne, Indiana a comedic star for electing him.

I felt conflicted that I never got to the story about secretly emptying my roommates cat box for 10 straight days before dropping a big effluvia laden deuce in in, because of the ultimate out come of that prank- as how was I to know my roommate spent money at the vet to see why his cat was constipated?
The fact that I didn't know my new work buddy well enough, to not know if he'd see that prank as being inhumane to the cat, and that he told me he had a couple of kittens, led me to hold that one back for another day, or trip.

You know after spending that day with a guy, who I'll from here on refer to simply as "The Prodigious Dude," and sharing our bent quixotic views of the world over drinks and work, I think my Idaho denouement was comedic success. And if you count the fact that I was enlightened to the native marmots in all their related glory, well I can only end this blog with a joke that was made for Idaho stereo types .

A guy goes to the beach and sees a young man wearing a speedo laying out and getting all the attention of the ladies, at day's end the guy goes up to the man to ask him what his "secret" for attracting such a herd of beautiful ladies.
The man simply says "sir you only have to get a large Idaho Potato, and drop that into your speedos.
The next day the guy, armed with a potato in his speedo,s goes to the beach, but much to his dismay no ladies even came near him. At the end of the day he went back over to the guy and said " I did what you told me and not one woman even got near me, what could I be doing wrong ?"
The guys says "the potato goes in the front"     .  .