Independence Day

Slipping out and stubbing your boner on her taint, shouldn't be considered an intentional act to enter the butt-hole, rather, it should be viewed as a schadenfreunde moment, akin to catching your ball-sack in a zipper.

Not to suggest that anal sex between a man and a woman is right or wrong, but why is it that you never hear the phrase "He made love to me in the ass?"

Call me an "old softy" although I prefer the term "distinguished gentleman with a flagging erection",
but in the good old days you needed to show a woman great romance and respect before you could even wedge a pinky into the penultimate female ice-hole pleasure pit. these days it seems everyone bleaches their dirty starfish in sybaritic anticipation of a prodigious porcine protuberance entrance without resistance .

So on this independence day, I can say, despite Ben Franklin's historic French bacchanals and groin crushing fetish, the founding fathers never thought to address the state of anal sex because they knew it would always be a choice that tyranny wouldn't dare to regulate.

Footlong

Sometimes obscure news stories are worth writing about.
The one about the high school football coach who put his man sausage in a hot dog bun and showed it to his players, " saying you want to see the big dog"on the face of things isn't all that original (note the movie "Bachelor Party" and "Porky's") and in this day and age not all that "odd".

The ironic and funny stuff is always in the details. Like that fact that he did this while at a "Leadership camp" and like an onion, as the layers are peeled the effluvia flows.

Apparently he was also drinking while being a mentor to under-age lads- now that in itself isn't so bad because if you've ever been involved with high school athletics, and especially men's sports, the reality is that most of these morons will become, at best alcoholic leaches on our collective social safety net, and at worst, they will be figuring out ways to collect bugs in prison to sexually stimulate their prostates. My point? hey he could do a lot worst things than proudly shroud his donnage in soft bread while drinking a few shots.

The story, however doesn't end there. apparently, he was over-heard calling a female student a "puck slut" because she was no ingenue and was known for  being assiduous in her pursuit of the hockey team  players....when asked about the comment, he said " the term was not meant to be inappropriate" To that statement i'd say he is somewhat right, because everyone knows the term for those women is "ice Whores"....but not knowing the correct slang wasn't his only sin.
Apparently, I've gotten so far detached from the "younger athletic crowd" that a new form of hazing is being practiced. Of course the Coach denied know anything about this new hazing term called "juicing" which, the story explained is the practice of several boys ganging up on another player and cramming their fingers into his anus. That description makes for a cacoethes need to go back to school and do the elephant walk with all my buddies.

Do I condone this? of course not, but it is a funny story and seeing that the kids involved, other than maybe the ones that got "juiced" were not really harmed, and really we don't know if they actually enjoyed the juicing, maybe putting up a mock fight to ward off being branded a homosexual, so, I feel there are a lot of things going on that could be worse. Ask Anthony Wiener about shame and dick humor...... now there is a story that couldn't be made up.

Straight Outta Compton "Bitches"

Noun: Bitch (bich):

Synonyms:

Twat, recondite cinnamon knot, douche twaddle

   

1. A miserable and despicable person who sucks all joy and happiness out of life, and makes life a little less worth living by her consistently shitty attitude. When not complaining, her drama and gossip will fill the void. He, or she (but usually she) refuses to do something with a group, and will forego hanging out with said group unless they're doing something she wants to do. She will put her interest ahead of others every single time, just for the sake of being a bitch. A bitch hates other people having fun.

"Hey guys, sorry we can't check out that new titty bar, Mike is being a bitch."

2. A status you assume when you take one in the pooper while incarcerated.
3. What you become when you fail at giving head, pool, bowling, farting and/or queefing contests
4. Having to sit in the middle seat between two people in a car or plane.
5. Crying, moaning, and throwing a tantrum about something nobody gives a shit about, including you.

"I'm not going to give you $6 for my share of an $11 pizza when all I owe you is $5.50. I shouldn't have to pay extra, waaaaaah!"

6. Having a high opinion of your looks and a sense of entitlement when people compliment you. Your ego is usually punctuated with a "hottie" shirt, which makes you slightly less tolerable to be around than children with poopie diapers and runny noses, and slightly more tolerable to be around than a saucer of goat cum and an entrée of fricassee gerbil droppings.

Match???? eeeekkkkk!!

• Y
• Y
• Y OK so some of this stuff is recycled content from both this blog and Classmates site- also please know that I joined Match as a goof and I'm not paying the ridiculous monthly fee.......although I understand a lot of people have that kind of money to throw at the problem of seeking lifetime relations with a man- men who generally, after getting to "know" them revert back to being themselves, by fouling the bedroom air, picking their ear wax, increasing your budget for air- deodorizing and cleaning products and causing electronic havoc by visiting porn sites without the proper virus software protection

My detailseditY

Relationship:

Divorced

Have kids:

Yes, and they live away from home (2)

Want kids:

No, but it's OK if my partner has kids

Ethnicity:

Other

Body type:

Athletic and toned

Height:

6′ 0″

Faith:

Spiritual but not religious

Smoke:

No Way

Drink:

Moderately

In my own wordseditY

 I've trained my monkey to change the TV stations thereby saving on the need to replace the remote batteries, with this savings I buy my monkey alcohol and smokes which seems to keep him focused when we watch MST2000 or Buckaroo Banzai movie reruns and keeps him from starting fights with the ducks
BTW the ducks in the bathtub are not mine and have given me multiple assurances that they will be flying south next winter

When I was about eight I desperately wanted to be Tom Selleck from Magnum PI. I painted my Hero banana seat beach cruiser bright red and constructed a mustache by clipping a large amount of hair from the neighbor's cat and gluing it to my upper lip. This is how I discovered my allergy to cat hair." I also wanted to be frozen and thawed out in the 25th century due to Wilma Deering's jumpsuit but despite emptying the refrigerator and sitting in it for over an hour, the only result was mild hypothermia and a belting.

Like a marmot getting braces to fix an over-bite, sometimes the solutions to life are simple.
A prodigious dude once pointed out the greatness of the people of Fort Wayne, Indiana for electing Harry Baals as their Mayor and suggested that they collectively be given the jejune comedic star award given out in secret after the annual "elephant walk" performed before the ritual rhubarb pie eating contest by the fraternal Delta PieR-pt.-3.14 students at Texas A&M.

When you have to remind people it is not ok to blow dry their otters, or that hooking up a dachshund to a rickshaw might make you stand out in an Asian crowd, but that economically not a valid endeavor, then you'll know that your decision to join an online dating site isn't as otiose, or infelicitous of an action as one might have first thought. 

My interestseditY

Book club, Music and concerts, Exploring new areas, Nightclubs/Dancing, Playing sports, Watching sports, Wine tasting

 ?edit

 
 
 
 
 

Sports & exerciseeditY

I exercise 3-4 times per week

Aerobics, Baseball, Basketball, Cycling, Football, Running, Weights / Machines, Hockey

PetseditY

I like cats, dogs, and other.

animal/human interaction question:
who first thought, after seeing an egg drop out of a chickens tuckus, it'd be a good thing to eat?

Political viewseditY

Some other viewpoint

SigneditY

Aquarius

Favorite hot spotseditY

 writing short stories on my google blog " shmendric eating rhubarb pie" under my pen name Eddie Haskil  ok so its a cyber hot spot? what do you want? wicker? my last story was titled my private Idaho go see it and give me a thumbs up,  if you like it 

CollegeeditY

Favorite thingseditY

 I just wanted to say it is a reoccurring activity of mine to dress up as a plant and go to the park to scare people on jogs/walks. there is nothing wrong with me its just how I deal with stress and feel better about my existence. 

For funeditY

 writing acrostic poetry, baking elderberry pies and sneaking out at night and cutting my neighbors shrubbery in priapic shapes 

Last readeditY

 Less Than Zero 

Appearance

About...

Me…

My Date…

Height:   Y

6′ 0″

3′ 0″ to 5′ 9″

Body type:   Y

Athletic and toned

Slender, Athletic and toned

Eyes:   Y

Hazel

No Preference

Hair:   Y

Dark brown

No Preference

Lifestyle

About...

Me…

My Date…

Smoke:   Y

No Way

No Way, Occasionally, Yes, but trying to quit

Drink:   Y

Moderately

Social Drinker, Moderately

Occupation:   Y

No answer

No Preference

 Gerbil milker 

Income:   Y

I use the barter system

$35,001 to $50,000, $50,001 to $75,000, $75,001 to $100,000,$100,001 to $150,000,$150,001+ a million?

Relationship:   Y

Divorced

No Preference

Have kids:   Y

Yes, and they live away from home (2)

No Preference

Want kids:   Y

No, but it's OK if my partner has kids

No Preference

Background/Values

About...

Me…

My Date…

Ethnicity:   Y

Other

Wiling and with a vagina

 My mother had an alien impregnation, first by submitting to a normal PPA that the alien creatures known to come from places far past Uranus are especially fond of performing, and after squealing in pleasure upon the alien bulbus insertion, I was born 

Faith:   Y

Spiritual but not religious

 my faith revolves around knowing that humanity, when faced with an important challenge,  can come up with very creative solutions- for instant, someone figured out that your lower intestinal track has enough heat to hard boil an egg. 

Languages:   Y

English

English

Education:   Y

Associates degree

No Preference